The More Loving One

Looking up at the stars, I know quite well
That, for all they care, I can go to hell,
But on earth indifference is the least
We have to dread from man or beast.

How should we like it were stars to burn
With a passion for us we could not return?
If equal affection cannot be,
Let the more loving one be me.

— W. H. Auden

The best leaders I have ever known have always been first to bear the yoke of the thing no one wants to do. First to fix the HITL systems, learn the unpleasantries of interconnects, sit through the blasé meetings and focus. My friend and former manager Bliss Chapman was shockingly good at this.

In my relationships if I dump ten thousand pounds of literary ordinance in a mcarthurian sign of affection, I do not need this back — the point of a military parade is a show of force, of intensity. It should inspire a similar pride in the institution that could put together such a show. It's an investment of your most valuable thing — your time — in a person while expecting no obvious return. My real advantage as a technical founder is that the more loving one can always be me. When things go wrong on business, I will be there; I will listen. When things do not work technically, when the pipelines are clogged and slow? I will be there; I will fix them. Sometimes I see a certain mush mush that inspires loathing from founding engineers and teams as they feel more like sled dogs than genuine partners. In some sense everyone is pushing everyone, but your superpower as the lynchpin of the group (at least to start!) is that you can take the dogs for a ride. I find I have a lot of energy for things I care about.

I would like to create a church for zealots. Last time I saw my friend Steven, he mentioned to me that one of his cofounders and him thought the idea of dying for their business would be well worth it if they had to. ("It would hardly even be a question!") There are way worse things that could happen to you! Indeed, slaving away for mediocrity is a fate worse than death. You just wake up and realize nothing has changed. It's easy to replace real passion with sports cars and big checks, and these things take you essentially nowhere (especially if the cars are vintage and break down?). The only thing that matters is doing the thing, and I need to create an organization where everyone is excited to do the thing. Being the more loving one means being generous—it means doing the thing more and harder even when it may not make sense. To love is a leap of faith in any world, and not always reciprocated. Most people view work and life as two magisteria that need not touch, and this is fine. But when people really love, boundaries get a lot more fuzzy... and any eager suitor needs to earn that trust, love the organization, the people, the product damn more than any neophyte.

If equal affection cannot be, let the more loving one be me.